Siblings Of Addicts: How To Support Struggling Brothers And Sisters

If your sibling had cancer, you wouldn’t even consider deserting them. The same is true of a sibling with the disease of addiction. It’s normal to want to help a drug addict sibling.  But the wish to help can change into an inability to turn away from the turmoil. In your attempt to regain peace and order, you might actually end up enabling them and become entangled in their constant life disasters.

Some of the signs of codependency are:

• An overwhelming need to take care of other people
• The desire to be in control
• People-pleasing
• Problems with setting healthy boundaries
• Depending on others, including the addict
• Paralyzing emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, nervousness, and irritability
• Low self-esteem

The Trap Of Control

For someone who loves an addict, one of the biggest traps is having to constantly do damage control. Making excuses for your sibling, calling the boss when they can’t make it to work, and giving financial support only enable the disease to go forward.

Until the addict has to deal with the consequences of their actions, they will continue their behavior. Although you love your brother or sister, you have to let go of the fantasy that you can control their situation. You need to focus on what you can control–your own life.

Another issue is the age difference from one sibling to the next. Closeness in age can help in getting your brother or sister to get help for a substance abuse problem. On the other hand, if your sibling is older than you, they may see themselves as your protector, your senior, your big brother or sister.

Unfortunately, having a younger sibling with a substance abuse problem can have problems too. They may be more rebellious and demand that you back off. They could feel that you are trying to be a mom or dad and treating them like a child. The important thing to remember is that there will always be challenges, whether your sibling is older or younger than you. The important factor is to be persistent.

• Do not confront them.

Instead of blaming them, try to steer the conversation to your feelings and how their addiction affects you. You may be able to get them to go to a therapist with you.

• Ask for an immediate decision.

Don’t let them stall you to think it over. Be prepared to consult with a treatment program as soon as they see that dysfunction is occurring. This is critical because recovery starts as soon as they decide to accept treatment.

• Don’t use threats.

Threats to someone addicted to drugs or alcohol can be dangerous. They may feel fear and panic and become aggressive. Support and suggestions for help won’t have any effect if the relationship turns negative.

• Don’t talk to them when they’re under the influence.

A non-starter. Just don’t bother. Plan to talk early in the day or whenever you know they are less likely to be using.

• Don’t ever offer drugs or alcohol.

Addiction is a serious disease and you should treat it that way.

Roots of Addiction in Families

Childhood Trauma

Unsettled childhood trauma is often at the top of the list of factors that influence addiction. It can affect siblings differently and occur at different stages of life. Examples are an older sibling who may have had more exposure to an addicted or abusive parent, or the younger sibling who didn’t have the ability to cope with it and ended up being more traumatized. This can make one sibling more likely to use drugs or alcohol to deal with the pain of the trauma.

Genetic Roots

Some studies have discovered that impulsivity is passed along through genes. Impulsivity is an emotional or behavioral self-control problem. In fact, sensation-seeking can run in families. Recent studies of brain scans of cocaine addicts and their non-addicted siblings found that both had a tendency to have a lack of self-control.

Researchers are still looking for the answers as to why one got addicted and not the other. However, it does appear that the non-addicted sibling is less likely to struggle with cravings and to have the ability to recover from difficulties not shared by their addicted sibling.

The final lesson for siblings of addicts or alcoholics is to never give up on helping your brother or sister overcome their struggle with addiction. This is very important because you only lose when you give up and you don’t want to lose this struggle.

Even though your first attempt at helping them might fail, you need to understand that most addicts do actually want help but they are too involved in their addiction to realize it.

The fact is, using drugs or alcohol is a way to solve a problem. They don’t have the skills or ability to deal with it and drugs solve the problem for them. Even if it’s only temporary.

As a sibling, you are in a position to show them that there is hope and a way to deal with problems without drugs or alcohol and free from addiction. The main point is to always remember to never stop trying

If you have a sibling with a drug or alcohol addiction, you don’t need to look any further than Harmony Ridge in West Virginia. Harmony Ridge has several levels of care including a sober living facility. This means that we help our clients every step of the way.

Our therapists are Master’s Level Certified Addiction Specialists, some with real-life personal experience with addiction. We have the knowledge, experience, and compassion to help people turn their lives around. We can help your family member too. Contact us today. You have questions and we are happy to answer.